| I doubt that a lot of peeps will find this page. If so congratz! You've found my (not so) secret blog! This'll serve as my nonsensical writing into the void. dates are dd.mm.yyy. |
3.5.2025 uh????! work update?? or sumthn? Well, haven't worked since xmas. the company pretty much just quiet fired me because I put my foot down and asked for a part time job instead of going back full time in kitchen department. they totes knew why, besides my energy levels it was, well, a clique kind of place that made working there honestly unbearable for the long term (in the department, but also the whole company). so now I'm jobless, have no job. at least I'm getting decent unemployment benefits to survive. honestly, I'm feeling burnt out from working. customer service is a vicious field of work. it's like dealing with evil lions, at least one evil lion per shift, mostly ok lions, sometimes docile lions, but the evil ones really suck and drain your energy out, making you sooooo tired, too tired to do anything outside of work, and with anything, I'm talking about stuff like housework, keeping my home in a decent shape. I only managed to do laundry, dishes, clean the toilet and even take a shower when I REALLY needed to. Now? well I'm still tired*, but at least I've managed to deal with piles of dooms that have been sitting in various corners of my house. *I've been feeling like I've been dealing with some kind of a burnout since I quit/was fired. well, I've been working with this company non-stop since 2019 (5 and 1/2 years, man) and before that was in full time school for 2 years, and before that I worked at a, *ahem* a certain sandwich place for over 1,5 years, and before that I was in university.... basically since forever I've had been busy with school, then work, then school, then work, since childhood. it feels like only now in my 36+ years of life I can actually allow myself to breath, especially since I have autism diagnosis and know myself better now than in 2008-2009 when I actually was jobless, but actually wanted a job, but the financial collapse was in full force back then, in my very beginning of my 20's. I really wanted a job then because I wanted and needed money, and had no rights for unemployment benefits because up till then I was in school and wasn't working with school because I would absolutely not be able to do both (undiagnosed autism, yay :I) no one could offer me a job back then, so I ended up back in school, somewhat reluctantly. and I prolly had traits of depression back then, because, it felt hopeless. now the main difference is: I can get benefits after working so long, and I actually want to take a break from working regular jobs to recuperate from years of working and masking and really learn who and what I am, and just not mask. ecxept when I go outside. yea, when I need to go outside to run errands, I've noticed I've gotten, more anxious? than usual, compared when I had to run errands when I had a job. dunno if it's the burnout really catching up to me, or I'm actually just a nervous blob. I did apply again to electrical school for fall semester, but, if I still feel a wall blocking me wanting to work and/or study, I'll have to give up my seat in school, IF I get in, that is to say. |
20.12.2024 uwu hewwo UwU been working on this site a lot more recently, lol. added a bit of a pokemon themed page on here, it's kind of hidden but if u look around u'd find it... eventually X3 irl work update? well, a department i wanted to work at needed someone to help them from last jan, and somehow I got hired there?! it was only for until aug, but somehow I got to stay there until the end of oct. but now I'm at another department, overseeing xmas stuff. well it was either this or go back to selling kitchen full time... I honestly don't wanna work in sales anymore, or in this company at all. actually, I wanted to go back to school after xmas and study electricity, but alas, I was too old for the school T_T maybe, if I'm still into wanting to learn and become and electric technician, maybe I'll reapply for next autumn. but, idno, I just want a well paying job that's not making me feel like I'm wasting time and energy on boring stuff. but the only way of getting a job in the field I originally wanted to go into (digital media and art and cgi, basically something in the digital creative field) is top network like crazy, and it's kind of hard when u'r autuistic and have a social battery of the size of a tiny peanut powering a whole electric truck. aaaand I realllly don't like it when ppl are like 'buh u can totez train it 2 b bigger tha it iz uwu owo uwu' ... like stfu! also I've been dealing with some dental problems (2 root canals since september! WOWIE!!) and just HAD to get sick ( the flu?) at the SAME TIME as the second root canal, which happened a day AFTER the former root canal was finished :/ man, I rly hope this year will bring me something good, plz |
1.9.2023. I fucking hate my job. I hate talking to people for 8 hours and then be so fucking tired I can barely function after I get home. I want a job where I can just not talk, do my thing, preferably creative stuff on a computer. Any wayyzzz.... got isnpired to work on my website, and honestly, I just want this to be the kind of a site where you click a link, there's something there, and there are more links which leads you down a rabbithole, and before you know it, you've spent at least an hour just looking at a crusty website. Some websites on neo are veeerryyy colorful, which should be an inspiration for me, they can get rather eye-straining for me. btw, gor diagnosed with autism like, 2 years ago, which explains why I don't like this job much anymore. the store is just too loud and overwhelming. Managed to get courage to message a higher up to ask if there's a chance I could get into the department(s) I'd rather work at (in case I don't get a job more relevant to my interests |
11.2.2023. holy hell. I *actually* forgot I was working on a website *o* status updates: got diagnosed as autistic, which does explain a lot abt myself o.o quit the factory work, and moved departments in retail work decided to revamp this site and to approach it not as an art portfolio but as my lil personal corner on teh interwebz :3 and just let it look like it's from the late 90s and early 2000s. my website making skills is from 2005 anyway... |
15.2.2021. woah. I almost forgot I was working on a website :o anyways, am working 2 jobs now, retail/customer service (started in 2019) and factory work (started last year), the latter I do not like because it's soooo boring :P busy busy! I also started therapy last month. therapist suspects I have ocd. and I've been trying to not have ocd like thoughts and basically just denied it through my life, but, at least it's being addressed now. |
6.7.2020. henlo. |